You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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