I hate all girls vehemently.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't turn off my feet"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
