Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
