SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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