He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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