im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
