If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
