ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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