You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
