put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Boobs are out for the taking
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
