You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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