If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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