so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
