its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
