im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
