my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My feet surprised me
Randomize
