you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
