I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
