I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
