what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
