Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
