White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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