3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
