Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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