U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
