Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
