he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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