spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
