Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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