i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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