what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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