if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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