:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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