hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.