Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.