he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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