If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
