Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
