M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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