on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
