I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize