In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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