So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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