my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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