the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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