where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
