It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
