Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
