I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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