I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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