Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
