I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
