More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
