Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
