If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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