hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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