tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
