It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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