can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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