K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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