I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
