the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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