I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
