how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
