Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
