If i could tip my vagina, i would.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
