If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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