I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
