I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
