It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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