so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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