I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
