He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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