Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
