apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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